... And a flash of lightning lit up this truth for me, right in front of my eyes. that night I lost you, I also lost something inside me. Or perhaps several things. Something central to my existence, the very support for who I am as a person... It was no longer the blazing anger I used to have It had transformed into something more like a faintly colored sorrow..." "I can't feel the pure, intense anger I used to have anymore ..." "It hasn't completely disappeared, but like you said, it has withdrawn to someplace far away. For years this anger has occupied a large part of me. It's been what has driven me." "Like a merciless coachman who never rests ..." p934-5

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